


Not my Lyra

by Hdmfan1993



Category: His Dark Materials (TV), His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-13
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 18,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25877188
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hdmfan1993/pseuds/Hdmfan1993
Summary: Lyra runs away after finding out what Mrs. Coulter really is. After spending a few days to find Lyra, Mrs. Coulter tries to win back the trust of her only child.
Relationships: Lyra Belacqua & Marisa Coulter
Comments: 40
Kudos: 60





	1. Chapter 1

After Mrs. Coulter discovered that Lyra was no longer in the flat, she ordered for her little cocktail party to be over so she could go out and search for Lyra. Marisa rushed to have Magisterium men to go look for Lyra, she ordered that they search all over London and Oxford. While that was happening she thought she’d go to Jordan college to pay the master a visit knowing Lyra could be hiding there. In the back of her mind, Marisa secretly wished she had told Lyra the truth when she had asked who her mother was, as Lyra running away could of been avoidable. 

After the search at Jordan was a bust, Marisa never gave up looking for Lyra. After returning to the flat, Marisa sits in her study looking at photograms she had of Lyra on her desk. Slowly starting to get upset over losing her child again, she decides to do some work to keep her mind occupied while there were people out there looking for Lyra. 

————— 

Lyra finds a nice alleyway to rest from running most of the afternoon. Trying to keep warm in this odd cold night, Pan turns Into a large cat and cuddles into Lyra to keep her warm. 

“What is she Pan? I....... trusted her, she was nice. Why did she bring us in to “work” for her if she was actually a gobbler” 

Pan looks at Lyra trying to think off something calming to say. 

“We both trusted her, well till her dæmon attacked us. We will stay here tonight, gotta stay warm and we’ll go back to Jordan college tomorrow and speak to the master”

Next minute, Pan jumps off Lyra’s lap and starts walking to a brick wall. 

“Pan” 

“Pan” 

“Pan..... where are you going? Get back here”

Pan ignoring Lyra, he kept on walking towards the brick wall. Lyra gets up to see what caught Pans attention. All off a sudden a hand reaches around Lyra’s mouth and a man grabs her and drags her away kicking and screaming. 

Lyra wakes up in the back of a van, knowing exactly what has happened she was thinking of ways to run when the gobblers open the vans door. The van strops abruptly. 

“You grab the girl, I’ll go open the door” 

Lyra at the ready to kick and scream hoping to grab someone’s attention, failed. The gobbler quickly snatches Lyra and drags her to the empty building. The gobblers think she’s just an every day nothing special child that they could get money for, for snatching them, they had no idea who Lyra was or who her parents were. Once in the building they place Lyra in a small room on her own, till they have to move the children to the north. 

————————-

Mrs. Coulter gets a letter stating they have grabbed four more children and they are ready to take this load of kids to the station. Pleased with the work, she decided to pay them a quick visit to give them the all clear to head north. Once Marisa arrived she was shown the new kids who recently just arrived. 

“You told me there was four new children, there’s only three here. Where’s the other one?” 

The poor man didn’t know what to do but say. 

“She’s a feisty one she is, we had to put her in a seperate room”

For some reason Marisa instantly thought of her Lyra. 

“Show me this girl, I must see her” 

The man dumbfounded as to why Mrs. Coulter wants to see a silly child, but he obeyed not wanting to get on her bad side and showed her to the room where this child was being kept. 

“She’s in there. Be careful she’s feisty” 

Marisa goes towards the door and slowly opens it. When the door was fully opened and the light dimly lite up the room. What she saw shook her. She mutters under her breath. 

“Lyra”

Lyra looks up in shock. 

“Mrs. Coulter” 

“Come here Lyra” 

Maria orders that they release Lyra. Obeying the man allows Lyra to be removed from the dark room. 

Marisa pulls Lyra to the side when she knew they were alone. Marisa raises a hand to tuck hair behind Lyra ear. 

“Don’t touch me, I know what you are and I will expose you” 

“Lyra listen to me. I need you to trust me, I only want to protect you, that’s why I’m here”

“Protect me from what?” 

“I’ll explain everything back home....... I promise” 

Not fully trusting Mrs. Coulter, Lyra puts her better judgment to the side and goes back to the flat. She doesn’t know why she’s doing this but she also wants answers as to why the gobblers were taking children.


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to say a huge thank you for the comments about this story, It put a huge smile on my face. I’m looking forward to continuing this story. You guys are amazing :)

On the car ride home, neither Lyra or Mrs. Coulter spoke a word. Lyra was starting to fidget as she didn’t want to be around this woman again. Once the car stopped Lyra tried to make a run for it but Mrs. Coulter was quick to grab her hand and her golden monkey grabbed Pan. 

“Lyra dear, we don’t want you to hurt yourself. Please take my hand till we are in the elevator” 

Lyra didn’t want to hold her hand, she wanted to run and be far away as possible. She had to think of a plan while on their walk to Mrs. Coulters flat. 

In the elevator Mrs. Coulter was trying to make small talk with Lyra. 

“Why did you run away Lyra? You had it good living under my roof” 

Lyra rolls her eyes and turned to face the wall. 

“DING” 

The elevator door opens up the the grand hallway. As soon as the doors were fully open Lyra made a run for her room. Once she got to her room she didn’t bother shutting the door and went straight to the window. 

“It’s locked Pan. What do we do now?”

Lyra hears the clicking of Mrs. Coulters heels coming closer and louder as she was approaching Lyra’s room. 

“I have locked all the windows and the door to the terrace to keep you safe. We don’t need you to pull that stunt again. Now come, we need to have a little chat” 

Lyra runs to her door and slams it then runs to her bed to scream into her pillows. 

“What are we going to do Pan? I don’t want to play prisoner again” 

“As much as we can’t trust her, she must have something to say since she came and saved us from going north with the gobblers” 

“BUT WHY?” 

“Maybe we should do as she says as I don’t want that golden monkey hurting us again. Maybe if we stay on her good side, she’ll let us go” 

Before Lyra or Pan could say or do anything the golden monkey opens the door and a voice so soft and sweet sounding comes through. 

“Lyra, don’t keep me waiting” 

Getting up quickly as Lyra knew what would happen if she ignored Mrs. Coulter. 

“Mrs. Coulter?” 

Marisa points to the couch across from her arm chair. 

“Thank you for coming out. Now I want to know why you ran away. You were happy here till the cocktail party. What happened?”

Lyra looks down at her feet then looks at Pan who is in his ermine form sitting next to her on the couch. She mumbles something under her breath. 

“Lyra speak up, I thought I taught you not to do that” 

“I said, you work for the gobblers. Why’d you bring me in? Was your plan to keep me then send me to the station to have Pan cut from me?” 

Shocked and horrified Mrs. Coulter leans forward in her chair patting her dæmon. 

“Lyra you have to understand, what I’m doing has nothing to do with you” 

“Then why’d you bring me here to live with you?”

“Lyra......... I brought you here so I can protect you from the gobblers from taking you away. If I didn’t get informed about you, they would off taken you to the north and I would lose you forever” 

“Protect me from what, Mrs. Coulter?” 

“Sin and dust” 

“Why me? There are plenty of people out there that would happily work for you. Why’d you choose me? I’m nothing special, my fath.... uncle ignores me so I think you should do the same”

Lyra looks down at her feet trying not to cry. The first few months with Mrs. Coulter were great, she wished to have a mother like her till that day where she had the golden monkey attack Pan. Lyra was one to not hold grudges but that one day changed her outlook of Mrs. Coulter and the golden monkey. 

Mrs. Coulter gets up and sits next to Lyra, she places her hand in Lyra’s shoulder. Lyra flinches at the touch and moves away. Marisa reaches out her hand as if to say no come back I’m sorry, but she decided to leave it for now. 

“I never meant to do you any harm Lyra” 

“Do me harm? It should be the children you should say sorry to. They need it more than me. I can’t deal with this right now” 

Lyra gets up and walks towards her room. Before she shuts her door she turns around and sees Mrs. Coulter wiping tears from her face. The door shuts and Marisa silently sobs to herself. 

“You have no idea how much I need you right now Lyra” 

Marisa gets up and walks to her study and shuts the door. 

“I don’t know if we should believe anything she says Lyra. If she didn’t mean to harm us she wouldn’t of had her dæmon attack us” 

“She’s hiding something, I wonder what it is. I vow to never leave this room and if she ever leaves we try everything to escape again, even if we have to break a window to get out” 

Pan nods to the idea and they both just sit in silence. 

A few hours passed, Pan and Lyra were laying on the bed, just about asleep till a knock on the door scared them. 

“Lyra? Can I come in please” 

“Pretend we are asleep, maybe she’ll leave”

Five minutes pass and Mrs. Coulter is still standing at the door, quietly calling out to Lyra. 

“Wait here Pan, I’ll see what she wants” 

Pretending to have just woken up Lyra opens her bedroom door to see Mrs. Coulter holding a dinner tray with a big bowl of soup. 

“I had asked the cook to make soup as I knew you like it very much” 

“Thanks but I’m not hungry” 

Lyra slams the door and goes back to bed. 

“Uhhh maybe you shouldn’t of done that Lyra” 

Next thing the door flys open and the golden monkey comes charging in straight for Pan. There was a little fight between dæmons till the golden monkey got a good grip on Pan.   
Marisa walks in slams the tray on the bed, soup goes everywhere. 

“You don’t disrespect me like that in my own home, I didn’t raise you to be like that” 

Lyra staring straight into the eyes of a woman she fondly looked up to, now a woman she’s scared off. Trying to get out of Mrs. Coulters strong grip, the golden monkey tightened his grip around Pan. 

“Let go off me, you’re hurting me” 

“I’ll let go when you act like a proper young lady and not like one of those wild children” 

“I promise I’ll be good, please let go of me” 

Marisa lets go and the golden monkey lets go of Pan. 

“In the future you’ll be well behaved. Do you understand?” 

Lyra whimpers 

“Yes, Mrs. Coulter” 

Mrs. Coulter leaves the room and shuts the door behind her. Pan comes running to be by Lyra. That’s now two incidents Lyra has had with her new guardian. She doesn’t want that to happen again.


	3. 3

During the night, Lyra didn’t sleep very much as she was afraid the golden monkey or Mrs. Coulter would come back to hurt her again. Finally morning came around and Lyra had just gotten to sleep. Pan was extra clingy to Lyra and every sound and movement that happened outside the door they both jumped. 

It was around 11am when Lyra finally came out of her room. To her surprise there was no Mrs. Coulter. Both child and dæmon walk to the kitchen to get something to eat as Lyra was very hungry. Lyra pulls up a chair and sits at the bench and just stares at the cook to see what he is making. 

“Oh miss Lyra, I didn’t hear you come in. Here is some toast and a cup of tea. Mrs. Coulter requested we give you chamomile to help calm you down” 

Lyra just smiles and eats and her toast. Not wanting to drink the tea, Lyra pretends to drink it and walks to the sink and tips it out and puts her plate and cup in the sink. 

“Thank you cook, it was very nice. I’ll be off now” 

“Wait miss, Mrs. Coulter left this for you” 

Lyra grabs the piece of paper and walks back to her room while reading it. 

Lyra,  
When you’ve had breakfast and gotten ready for the day, can you please meet me in my study..... we need to have a chat. 

Mrs. Coulter

“I wonder what she wants to chat about, I hope she’s going to let us go. I don’t know how much longer I can take playing prisoner this time round” 

Lyra took her time getting ready, she had to have a bath since she didn’t have one the night before. Once she was finally ready she slowly made her way down to Mrs. Coulters study. Lyra knocks and steps back. 

“Mrs. Coulter?” 

A few seconds pass and she could hear draws slamming and the golden monkey screeching. Lyra was ready to walk back to her room when the door opened. 

“Come in Lyra”

Mrs. Coulter points to the single chair on her right for Lyra to sit and she sat on the left. 

“Now. The reason I asked to speak to you was I need you to keep quiet about what you know about me and what I do for work. If you can do that, there will be no confrontation. Is that clear?” 

Lyra just sitting there stunned and not sure what to actually say about all that. 

“So why do I have to be held here? Why don’t you just let me go..... I can go back to Jordan and I promise to keep your secret”

Mrs. Coulter lets out a big laugh. 

“Lyra there are some things you will learn as you grow. You see, since you’ve been gone from Jordan for so long, Jordan and the master have forgotten you and moved on. The only place you properly belong is with me” 

Hearing that, Lyra stood up trying to hold back her anger. 

“You’re lying” 

“Interesting. How dare you accuse me of lying” 

“The master would never forget me, I don’t believe you” 

Lyra fighting back tears and anger, she runs to the study door. As she was going to open it, Mrs. Coulter grabs Lyra by the wrist. 

“I haven’t finished talking, sit back down please” 

Lyra obeying as she could see the golden monkey was eyeing off Pan and ready to pounce when his human gives the order. 

“Lyra........ at the cocktail party did anyone else talk to you besides the reporter?” 

Lyra thinking back to a day she wished she could forget. 

“Yes, a lady said I was lucky to be living under your roof and how lucky I am to be going to the same school my mother went to. I don’t understand as I never knew my parents...... till I found out that Asriel is my father” 

Shocked, Mrs. Coulter leaned forward. 

“What did this lady look like Lyra?” 

“I dunno, I didn’t pay much attention to who attended. I just served drinks like you asked me to. I was quick to correct her as I think she thought you were my mum”

Mrs. Coulter let out a laugh. 

“That’s absurd, I don’t have any children, I don’t think I’d make a great mother” 

“Ah..... where are you going with this Mrs. Coulter? As I wish to return to my room. Are we finished here?” 

Rubbing her fingers on her temples, Mrs. Coulter met out a big sigh and just pointed her arm to the door. Lyra quickly got up and left the study very quickly. 

Once back in her room, Lyra stood by her window, the one she once used as an escape. 

“Did you notice how weird Mrs. Coulter was acting and all those questions. It’s like she cares but in another way it’s like she’s trying to control me. I’m Lyra Belacqua, no one can control me” 

“Ah well except Mrs. Coulter.....” 

Lyra gives Pan a dirty look

“NO ONE CAN CONTROL ME” 

Pan backs up a few paces and just puts his head down. He knew deep down that Lyra knew that Mrs. Coulter had a hold on them both. 

For the rest of the day Lyra spent her day going in between her room and her favourite spot in the lounge room looking out the big windows that looks out to the terrace and over some parts of London. Not realising Mrs. Coulter walked into the same room, she jumped when Mrs. Coulter cleared her throat to get Lyra’s attention. 

“It’s such a beautiful time of the day, would you like to join me out on the terrace to enjoy some finger food?” 

Lyra was hungry but she was happy to wait till dinner, but all she wanted was to be outside. 

“Yes I’d like that very much. Thank you Mrs. Coulter” 

“If you behave I’ll keep this door unlocked and you can have free range of coming out here again. Break my trust and you’ll never be out here again. Do you understand?” 

“Yes Mrs. Coulter” 

Mrs. Coulter goes off to get the key to unlock the door. Lyra didn’t leave her spot till she was told to move. When she stepped out onto the terrace there was a beautiful breeze and Lyra could smell the world around her. For the first in the last 24 hours Lyra smiled. Mrs. Coulter noticed and smiled too. The servants came out moments later and placed a plate in front of Lyra and Mrs. Coulter and the others came out with plates of sandwiches and some fruit cut up. Lyra didn’t realise how hungry she actually was till she started eating quick and nearly choked on her food. 

“Slow down Lyra, you’ll chock if you eat that fast” 

Lyra looked up and saw Mrs. Coulter staring, so Lyra slowed down her eating. 

From being out in the breeze Lyra’s hair got all messy and unmanageable. With great regret she went to Mrs. Coulter for help. 

“Mrs. Coulter............ can you help me with my hair please. I can’t do it on my own” 

Mrs. Coulter put her papers down and looked up at Lyra. She uncrossed her legs and leaned forward. 

“Come sit here on the floor and I’ll help you” 

“Thank you”

This was the last thing Lyra wanted but this was something she needed help with and couldn’t leave it as she knew it’d get worse. 

“Ouch” 

“Ouch” 

“Hang on. Stop moving Lyra” 

Eventually all the knots were gone and Mrs. Coulter was done brushing Lyra’s hair. 

“Done” 

It was getting close to Lyra’s bedtime. Mrs. Coulter has made herself a pot of chamomile tea and made one for Lyra. She knocked on Lyra’s bedroom door and walked in. 

“Already for bed?”

Lyra just nods. 

“Here I made you some tea. Don’t worry it’s not poisoned, I’m not a monster Lyra” 

Lyra takes it and starts sipping it. Within seconds Lyra was slowly drifting off to sleep. That was one of many lies Mrs. Coulter has told. But would it be the last?


	4. Mrs. Coulters flashback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marisa has a flash back to when Lyra was born and when everything unravels in her life

***Thirteen years ago*** 

“Cmon Mrs. Coulter you can do it, that’s it........... push” 

After being n labour fo so long, Marisa Coulter finally had her little baby in her arms. Looking down she could see so much of Asriel and only a little of her. She was so madly in love with Asriel she didn’t care. Asriel came in to finally meet his child, he couldn’t help but smile and kiss his lover. 

“I want to name her Lyra, Asriel” 

“It’s perfect darling” 

Stelmaria and the golden monkey walk in to check out the baby and the tiny dæmon. 

“The child’s dæmon is to be called Pantalaimon” 

Hours pass and both parents are in awe of their child who was perfect in every way. Then something happened to Marisa, like something clicked. 

“Asriel, you need to take her, I can’t do this, this isn’t what I wanted. You need to take her and go” 

Asriel all confused as only moments ago she was doting on their child. 

“What do you mean you can’t do this Marisa? She is our child, our responsibility. You can’t do this to our child Marisa” 

Marisa places baby Lyra and Pan into Asriel’s arms and rolls over. 

“You better leave before Edward comes back. I’ll tell him his son died and that the nurses took the body away as it made me distressed seeing it” 

Asriel looks down at his tiny daughter and pulls her close to him. 

“After today Marisa, you are to never come looking for us. If Lyra asks about you I’ll say you died during child birth. She doesn’t need someone like you in her life, where she’ll get close and you’ll walk away leaving her heart broken. Goodbye Marisa” 

Marisa rolls over and starts crying. The one thing in this world Maria truly wanted was her daughter, but she knew she couldn’t keep her as Edward would eventually figure out she isn’t his. Marisa tried to get up, she realised what she did was wrong and she wanted to keep Lyra and Asriel in her life but she was too weak to walk and just laid in bed screaming and crying. Moments later Edward comes home from his trip, he could hear his wife screaming and crying and he thought it was time so he ran to be by her side. 

“Marisa......... what happened?” 

When he walked in he saw Marisa and her dæmon on the floor. 

“He’s gone, I lost him” 

Sorta pleased but sad Marisa played her husband. 

“The nurses took him away as I couldn’t take seeing him. Our son died Edward” 

“Oh........ well I’ll leave you be then” 

Months past and word got out about a child that was placed in a nunnery. Marisa looked into it and was hoping it would be her dear Lyra. Edward died at the hands of Asriel, and Asriel lost everything because of that. Marisa would hire people to go to the nunnery to spy and see what they could find out. She was slowly coming back into the world she use to be in before Lyra and Asriel. She joined the church and ranked up rather quickly and she was the first and only woman in the Magisterium. 

Weeks past and word got back to Marisa that the child was in fact Asriel’s. She was about to make a move with taking Lyra away from the nunnery, till the great flood happened and the nunnery collapsed. Once the flood waters ceded, Marisa had people look to see if they could find the baby that was living there. No body was found, Marisa was relieved. Then word got out that Asriel found the child and took her to Jordan college and declared “scholastic sanctuary” so Marisa investigated the master herself. 

“Ma’am she is protected at the college, there’s no way you’ll be able to get that child now” 

“Damn you Asriel, why do you have to make this so hard for me”

Not wanting to give up, Marisa continues her search for Lyra. 

Years passed and several attempts to see the master, Marisa was still nowhere near her only child. Finally one day the master decided to allow Marisa to enter the college but she was to see the master and that’s it. Marisa took it as she knew it was a very high chance she’ll see Lyra.

The day of the visit, Marisa wore her nicest outfit and made sure she looked very nice so she could win the master over with letting her take Lyra. 

“Master, so nice to see you” 

“I know why you are here Mrs. Coulter and I will not let you see the child. I have made sure she is busy during your visit, as Asriel instructed. Now what do you want?” 

“Do you really think you’ll keep me away from my own child? I’ll get her one way or another, she’s eight years old she’ll be asking for me or about me”

Mrs. Coulter got up in a huff and walked out off the masters office. While walking through the field to get to her zeppelin, she heard a squeal and a woman yelling. Not taking much noticed Mrs. Coulter kept walking. 

“Lyra get back here, it’s time for your lessons” 

“Lyra?” 

Mrs. Coulter turned to see if she could see Lyra as that’s all she wanted. Next thing this little girl came out of nowhere and ran right into Mrs. Coulter legs and pushed the poor woman right to the ground. 

“I’m I’m im so sorry” 

Mrs. Coulter gets up and dusts off grass and dirt from her skirt. 

“No harm done darling. Are you ok? You were running very fast”

“Yea I was running away so I didn’t have to go to my lessons. I don’t like them, they are boring” 

Mrs. Coulter let out a little giggle as she was exactly like that when she was about Lyra’s age. 

“Lessons can be boring, but school is very important” 

Finally Mrs Lonsdale caught up to Lyra and just stared at Mrs. Coulter. 

“Come Lyra, you are going to be late for your lessons” 

“Bye miss” 

Mrs. Coulter almost had her daughter if it wasn’t for the horrible Mrs Lonsdale. On the flight back to London, all Mrs. Coulter could think off was Lyra and how much she reminded herself when she was that age. She still looked like Asriel but she was a mini Marisa Coulter In so many other ways. 

From that day on it was Mrs. coulters mission to get custody of Lyra before the Magisterium find her. 

———————-

Marisa snaps back to the present and remembers that her and Lyra were out on the terrace. The overwhelming feeling of guilt was building up inside Mrs. Coulter and she just couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Lyra, we need to have a chat” 

Lyra comes out of her daydream and looks straight at Mrs. Coulter. 

Lyra whispers to herself.  
“Oh gosh this doesn’t sound good” 

Lyra got up from her chair and sat right next to Mrs. Coulter. 

“Am I in trouble? As I haven’t done anything wrong..... I’ve been good” 

Mrs. Coulter just smiled and cupped Lyra’s face. 

“No dear. Remember when you asked me who your mother was and I said it could be anyone. Well I need to talk to you about your mother” 

Lyra had a shocked look go over her face. 

“But you said you didn’t know who she was, you said Asriel always had a woman around his arms so it could be anyone” 

“I think you deserve to know the truth Lyra, but I don’t think you’re going to like the answer”


	5. 5

“Lyra I’m about to tell you a story about your mother. Please don’t say anything until I’m finished” 

“When you were born your mother wanted you so bad, but she wasn’t in the right situation. She was a married woman, your father Asriel swept her away, gave her the life she truly wished she had. But only hours after you were born she decided that your life would be better if she wasn’t in it. She told Asriel to take you away before her husband got home. Moments later she regretted her decision and tried to go after you both but couldn’t as she was too weak. She lied to her husband and said their child died and that’s the reason she was sad, but the real reason was you. Asriel killed her husband to protect you as he came to kill you when he found out the truth. It took her months to get over it all. She eventually got her life back together and figured she could try and get you back. When you were taken away from your father, you were put in a nunnery. Your mother hired people to look into trying to get you back then the great flood happened and you somehow found your way back to your father who then took you to Jordan college.....” 

“Oh so that’s how I got there, I was always told my father was a scholar and when my parents died Asriel thought it would be best to leave me there” 

“No...... Asriel took you there for a few reasons, one was to keep you away from your mother. Anyway she never gave up trying to get you back into her life. Every time she tried to see the master he rejected her visit till one day he allowed her to come. That one visit she tried to find you but the master made sure he hid you well. On her way back to her airship she heard you running away from one of the lady maids and you ran straight into her. You would off been seven or eight. The other time she came for you was a few months ago and to her surprise the master let her see you and take you home. Her life finally felt complete but she was still new to all this mother stuff and did several things that she regrets, like when you ran away”

Lyra’s eyes grow big and a shocked look comes across her face. 

“So what you are saying.......... is ........... you......... are.......... my mother?”

“Yes Lyra, I am your mother, and what I just told you is the truth. I wanted you from the moment you were made, born and now. I was stupid to think your life would be better if I wasn’t in it. Being a mother was a new thing to me and I thought I wasn’t made out to be one. I want to be a mother to you now...... if you let me”

Lyra stands up and starts walking around the terrace. Her hands going on both sides of her face. 

“I remember that day. How did I not realise it was you? I remember running away from Mrs Lonsdale as she wanted me to go to my lessons and then I ran into you. Why now that you want to be my mother? You had all my life to be one and you chose to be one now. No I can’t do this” 

Marisa gets up and walks back into the flat and went straight to her study. She comes back with a box full of letters. 

“This is for you. I wrote to you everyday, I even sent some but the master returned them back to me so I decided to just write to you and put them in this box and hopefully could give them to you one day. This box was something your father gave me before you were born” 

Lyra’s goes through the box. There were hundreds of letters and a few birthday cards. Lyra pulls out the first letter that grabbed her attention, it had return stamps all over it from Jordan college. 

Dear Lyra,

Today marks two years since your father took you. I think of you everyday. The other day was your second birthday, every year I do something for you on your birthday. I still get sad on those days, but I have to get on and not always feel sad. I’m still trying to get you back. 

Mother 

Lyra shuts the box as she figured all the letters would be pretty much the same. She looks at Mrs. Coulter with sad eyes and walks straight to her room. 

“Lyra?” 

“I need to be alone right now” 

“Lyra”

Marisa puts her hand out to try and catch Lyra’s hand but Lyra moves hers out of the way. Lyra shuts her door and lays face done onto her bed. 

“Why now Pan? Why now does she want to be my mother? Like when I first met her I wished she was my mum but now I don’t know what to think, especially now knowing what she really is. Like is she going to send me north to have you cut away from me? Cos if she does we are running away as I could never live without Pan” 

Marisa walks up to Lyra’s door about to knock till she heard Lyra talking about running away. Full off regret Marisa walks away and sits back outside on the terrace. She thought she’d give Lyra some space after the big news she gave her. 

Hours passed and Marisa was still out on the terrace. She was looking through all the letters and cards she had written to Lyra over the years. A few tears ran down her face, she heard someone so she quickly wiped them away.

“I want to stay........ here......... with you Mrs. Coulter” 

“You do? Oh you have no idea how happy I am. You do know I never meant you any harm right? With the last incidents” 

“That’s the thing, I will happily stay here but if you hurt me like you have done in the past I’m gone and you’ll never see me again” 

Marisa looks at Lyra with a sad look as she knows what she did was wrong and there were other ways to punish her daughter. 

“I’m sorry” 

For the first time in Marisa Coulters life that was the first time she’s ever said “I’m sorry” and meant every bit of it. 

A awkward silence fell upon both mother and daughter and Marisa finally came out with it. 

“Is it ok if I hug you? Like a mother hugs her child? It’s ok if it’s too awkward for you now” 

Lyra let out a loud sigh. Deep down this was something she’d wanted all her life, a mother she could run up to and hug and tell her about her day. 

“I’d like that” 

“You would?” 

Marisa started to make her way to Lyra with both arms out and before she could do anything Lyra ran straight into her mothers arms. This was something both mother and daughter wanted. This was the second best day off Marisa Coulters life, the birth of Lyra was her first. For once in her life Marisa Coulter was finally happy and she enjoyed every moment of this new feeling that was going through her body.


	6. 6

Marisa was happy that she finally told Lyra who she was to her. It still haunts her to this day, when Lyra asked who her mother was and she looked blankly at her own flesh and blood and lied and said it could be anyone. She knew if she told her the truth then, she wouldn’t have Lyra now.

“You know, when you ran away during my cocktail party, I Immediately put a stop to it and ordered a search party to look for you. I searched for you for a few days then I got a letter stating the gobblers snatched four more kids. Going through my mind I was hoping you were smart enough and got away from them, then I turned up to find you in a little cupboard. My heart sunk seeing you in there and I felt like a failure as I couldn’t protect you from those filthy men” 

Lyra was shocked as she initially thought her mother was just doing a routine check before she sends them off to the north. Deep down Lyra was secretly hoping that someone would find her before the left to go north, she didn’t care that it was her mother in the end. 

“Mrs. Coulter?”

Marisa looks up to Lyra with a smile on her face. 

“What do I....... uh......... call you now?” 

Looking at her child confused, till she realised she’s still calling her Mrs. Coulter. 

“You can call me mum, mama, mother, mummy.... anything but not Marisa or Mrs. Coulter. Only grownups call me that and now that you know who I am you don’t need to call me Mrs. Coulter”

“I’ll just call you mother for now and see how it goes” 

Marisa just smiles and cups Lyra’s face. 

“Now that we have gotten to this stage, is it possible to have my windows unlocked? You see you can trust me” 

Marisa just laughs and folds her arms. 

“Ha, you sound so much like your dad. I’m sorry but that’s not happening anytime soon. Be grateful that I’m trusting you out here” 

Lyra plonks in her chair and crosses her arms and just stares at her mother. 

“You can stare all you want Lyra, it’s not going to work. Now go wash up for dinner please” 

Lyra storms off Into the flat. Marisa looks down to her dæmon and places her hand on his head. 

“What are we going to do with her?” 

“Argh. What’s it gonna take for her to trust us Pan? All I want to do is leave and she’s making it difficult. I don’t know how much longer I can keep this up” 

“She’s trying Lyra. This is all new to her remember, just give her time and I’m sure we’ll be gone before you know it. Just be patient” 

Lyra finishes washing her hands and face then walks back out to the terrace. A few minutes later dinner was served, for once it wasn’t something fancy looking that tasted disgusting. Lyra was plying with her food, not to do it out of annoyance but something was making her anxious. Marisa picks up on it instantly but wasn’t sure what would be making her daughter anxious, as they are the only ones out on the terrace.

“Lyra, what’s wrong?” 

“I don’t know, something just doesn’t feel right now. Like something bad is going to happen” 

Marisa looks at her child, confused but smiles as it the only thing she knows how to do in these types of situations. 

“Don’t be ridiculous Lyra. Just eat your food please” 

Both mother and daughter sat quietly at the table. Lyra hardly ate any off her dinner and just sat there staring at it. Marisa getting fed up with Lyra’s childish behaviour she was about to tell Lyra off till one of her servants come out. 

“Sorry to disturb you ma’am, but there’s Magisterium men here wanting to see you and miss Lyra” 

“Thank you tell them I’ll be out in a minute. You can put them in my study till I arrive please. Lyra go to your room if your finished” 

“But why? I was summed too”

“They won’t see you till I say they can. Do you understand? Go now, you know what will happen if you disobey me”

Lyra got up in a huff and stormed off to her room. She didn’t really want to see the Magisterium men as she remembered back to when they were last here and that’s when the first incident happened, when her mother ordered her dæmon to attack Pan and hurt Lyra. 

“Maybe we should sneak down to her study and see if we can hear anything” 

“You heard your mother Lyra, she doesn’t want us there and we should really listen to her as we don’t what nor need to have a repeat of what happened last time do we?

Lyra decided to sneak out and walk softly and slowly down to her mothers study. She just got up to her mothers bedroom door and then she felt someone grab her shoulder. 

“Hello Lyra” 

Lyra turned around to see a man in a Magisterium uniform. She really wanted to scream out for her mother but she couldn’t find her voice. Lyra tried to run back to her room but this man had a good grip on the poor girl. 

“Don’t you try to run or scream. You don’t want anything to happen to your dæmon do you?” 

Lyra looks at the man and shook her head. 

“Good girl. Now come with me and no one will get hurt” 

The man took Lyra by the arm and walks to the elevator and instructs the servant to unlock the elevator and let him and Lyra go down. The servant knew it was a bad idea but she didn’t want to disobey a higher ranked person. Just as they stepped into the elevator Lyra screamed. 

“MOTHER, help me” 

“You shouldn’t have done that you silly girl” 

Marisa heard her daughters screams and quickly got up and opened the door. 

“LYRA. Let her go”

Before Marisa could reach the elevator Lyra was gone. This pain that was going through Marisa’s body was the same pain she experienced when she told Asriel to take Lyra after she was born. Marisa presses the button for the elevator to come back up, but by the time it got back up Lyra was gone...... long gone 

“Lyra.... no come back. Bring me my baby. Bring her back to me” 

The other Magisterium man just stood by Marisa and just shook his head. 

“You knew this day was coming. You couldn’t keep her away from us Mrs. Coulter” 

The man walks into the elevator and gives Marisa a final look. 

“Not my Lyra, take me instead” 

“You know that’s not possible. You knew this day was coming” 

Marisa falls to the floor and just lets everything go. She knows she’s not the perfect mother and human being, but her daughter meant everything to her and this was slowly killing her.


	7. 7

Lyra had no idea why she was taken by the Magisterium men. Did her mother plan this? Was it a big mistake? Will it be a “oh I’m sorry we grabbed the wrong Lyra” situation. No, not in this case. The Magisterium wanted Lyra Belacqua the daughter or Lord Asriel Belacqua and Marisa Coulter.

“What do they want Pan? I haven’t done anything wrong to upset mother for her to do this, did I?”

“With how she reacted when she saw you, I’d say she didn’t have anything to do with this Lyra” 

Lyra was actually scared. Nothing scared Lyra, but not knowing what was going to happen to her and Pan, it scared her. Lyra sat in this weird vehicle, it wasn’t like any car she has seen before. Once they stopped in front of the large Magisterium building, Lyra was dragged out by her arm. 

“Ow that hurts” 

“Walk girl” 

Lyra and Pan walk behind one of the men. Looking around to see if she could plan an escape but there were guards and their dæmons on every corner. Once inside they were escorted to a small room with a rather large table in it. Lyra was told to sit. 

“Pan, stay hidden I don’t need them hurting you. Maybe I should ask the Alethiometer what’s happening and hopefully give me an idea as to why we are here” 

Lyra looks in the place she usually keeps the Alerhiometer and it wasn’t in her bag. Shocked and worried, all these ideas just came flooding into her head. 

“Pan, the Alethiometer...... it’s gone. They must off taken it when they grabbed me. The master did say they Magisterium can’t know that I have it, maybe that’s why they’ve taken me to punish me” 

“I don’t think that’s the case Lyra. Maybe it fell out in the flat?” 

Lyra strictly remembers that she placed it in her shoulder bag. She’s certain the Magisterium has it now and that worried her. 

Hours pass and no one has returned since Lyra was placed into the small room. 

“Look Lyra a vent” 

Lyra looks up, all these ideas pop into her head. 

“Pan you should fly up there and see where it leads too” 

Pan flies up to the vent but as soon as he got close enough he could clearly see it was blocked from the inside. Taking note and seeing if there were other ways to get through, it all lead to a dead end. 

“Just give up Pan. We ain’t ever getting out off here. I don’t know why I’m going to say this, but I wish mother was here to help us..... since you know she works for these people”

——————— 

Back in the flat, Marisa is walking around Lyra’s room trying to calm herself down. When Lyra ran away, Marisa was more angry than upset as she wasn’t sure why her child chose to run away from a place where she had everything she could ever want. No, this time she was very upset. Marisa pulled out some of Lyra’s dresses and laid them out on her bed, placing her hand on the sleeve or the middle. Without realising it Marisa Laid down beside the dress, her head on Lyra’s favourite pillow. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she felt something hard under it. She reaches her hand under the pillow and felt something cold metal like. Not sure on what it could be, she pulled it and and she was rather shocked when she saw that it was a Alethiometer. 

The golden monkey lets out some of his screeches. Marisa wasn’t sure how to react as she’s always wanted to touch/see one but the Magisterium has declared the device sinful. Marisa opens up the round device and just stares at it admiring all the pictures around the face. 

“I wonder how Lyra got her hands on one of these. Maybe I should pay the master a visit again. I have a feeling he’s the one who gave this sinful object to my dear Lyra” 

Still wishing she could do more, Marisa decides to write a letter to Cardinal Sturrock and demand answers to why Lyra was taken and on what ground they thought it would be wise to barge into her home to steal her daughter. 

Dear Cardinal, 

I am writing this in association as to why my daughter was taken away from me. Who gave you the rights to enter my home, have some of your men chat to me in hopes my daughter would come and listen and then grab her while no one is around. I demand you return her to me at once! 

Marisa Coulter 

Marisa made plans to take a zeppelin to Jordan college early the following morning so she can chat to the master. For now as she didn’t feel like eating she grabbed a photogram of Lyra and herself and laid on Lyra’s bed in hopes that her daughter will return to her again. 

Morning came slowly. Marisa woke herself a few times crying out for Lyra and then found herself hugging the dress and photo she thought she put away. 

“Oh Lyra, please come home to me. You have no idea how much I need you right now” 

One of the servants knocked on the door and kindly reminded Marisa that her flight was in an hour and a car has been called to take her to the airfield. 

Maria got herself ready and made her way to the front of her building to wait for the car. The car ride to the airfield was really short for some reason but Marisa didn’t mind as she felt that she was suddenly one step closer to finding Lyra. In the zeppelin Marisa found herself staring out the window, like Lyra did when she first bought her home. A smile appeared then quickly disappeared as Marisa got angry as she had to go to Jordan college for a second time for answers. 

The master greeted Marisa at the airfield and escorted her to his office. 

“I don’t have Lyra Marisa. And I don’t know where she is either” 

“How’d you know she was missing again? I know she is and that’s not why I’m here master” 

The master was shocked, he was being sarcastic about the whole Lyra thing not realising that she was actually gone again. 

“How did Lyra get this? She had to have gotten it from you” 

Marisa pulls out the Alethiometer and places it on the table. The masters eyes widen and was shocked as he had told Lyra not to tell Mrs. Coulter about it. 

“I only gave it back to Lyra because she arrived in my care with it” 

Realising Asriel had one all along and had the audacity to give it to their daughter, Marisa saw red as this was one “toy” she never wanted Lyra to be around. Marisa got up in a hurry and went back to her airship. 

“We need to go to the Magisterium. I have a feeling Lyra is still there” 

Marisa’s dæmon just looked up at his human and agreed. 

——————-

Back at the Magisterium, Lyra and Pan were still locked in the small room. Having lost all hope at escaping Lyra didn’t care what would happen to her now. She’s officially lost everything, her mother who at the beginning she wished to lose as she didn’t like what she does to children, her home and the one thing she cherished, the Alethiometer. Pan would try to lift Lyra’s sprits but Lyra would just turn her back on her dæmon. 

Moments later the door finally opened after being inside it for what felt like forever. Father MacPhail walks in and sits at the table. 

“Hello Lyra, can you please join me at the table?” 

Lyra ignores him and turns around further facing the corner of the room. 

“If you do not abbey me, I will have to use force” 

“You and your dæmon don’t scare me. I’ve lived with my mother for six months. Your threats mean nothing to me”

Still facing the wall father MacPhail got fed up with Lyra’s childish acts and brings in a Magisterium guard and his Doberman dæmon. The dog dæmon comes towards Lyra and Pan and snatches Pan with her sharp canine teeth. 

“You are to sit at the table when I talk to you understand? If you want to act like a child, a child we shall treat you” 

Lyra didn’t flinch but she was in a world of pain. Under pressure Lyra agreed and the Doberman dæmon lets go off Pan. 

“See that wasn’t so hard was it? Now Lyra, where is your father Lord Asriel?” 

“Dunno, somewhere north I guess. I haven’t seen him in almost a year and my mother hasn’t said anything” 

“Okay then. We understand you know what we and your mother do. You have to understand you know too much and something has to be done” 

Lyra looks up at the all the men that started to walk in. Lyra was scared before, but now she’s terrified for hers and Pans life. 

“These men are going to take you somewhere special. If you fight, it won’t end well for you or your dæmon” 

Two men came around to be side by side to Lyra. They grabbed her arms and escorted her out off the room to the back of the building to a airfield strip. 

“Where are you taking me? My mother will find me and you won’t hear the end off this”

“Oh we hope she finds you, but when she does it will be too late for you”

Lyra is placed into a small zeppelin with some doctors, sister Sophie and other Magisterium men and then they were off. 

The trip took several days. One day Lyra looked out the window it was sunny and when she woke the following day it was dark and snowy. 

“Oh no Pan, where are we?” 

Sister Sophie comes to sit next to Lyra and puts her hand on Lyra’s shoulder.

“This is the best place you could possibly be. You’ll become a grown up here”

Lyra’s eyes grew wide. Her biggest fear has began. 

“Oh no Pan. This is Bolvanger”


	8. 8

Marisa finally makes it to the Magisterium building to be greeted by guards who told her to “go away” Ignoring their threats she demanded that Father Timothy or Father MacPhail come out to face her. Father Timothy eventually came out and greeted Marisa with a smile. 

“I’m sorry but you’re too late. The child isn’t here with us anymore. She’s going to a better place to remove the sin you’ve put on her. Good day Mrs. Coulter” 

Furious with they way she’s being treated, Marisa storms off back to the car she came in and ordered the driver to take her to the airfield. 

————————

Lyra was tested to see how strong the dust is through photographs. The doctors were shocked to see how much was showing up in the photos. 

“We need to have her procedure done soon, looks like she’s in the verge of changing”

“Excuse me doctor, but what do you mean I’m on the verge of change? What were the photos for? You see I wash regularly” 

“Don’t worry dear, this will be over real soon” 

Sister Sophie just stared at Lyra and gave a creepy smile. Lyra noticed she had no dæmon, Lyra noticed not everyone had a dæmon. That scared her a lot. 

“Come Lyra, come with me and I’ll get you some dinner. You must be hungry” 

Lyra just nod and walked with sister Sophie. Once they got to the cafeteria, Lyra noticed all the children just watched her as she sat at a table that had some food waiting for her. 

“These must be all the children the gobblers have snatched Pan. I thought there’d be more. Stay close Pan, we don’t know what these adults are capable off” 

Lyra slowly ate her meal while the other children went off to their rooms. Lyra wasn’t alone there were still two sisters watching Lyra and guards on the other side of the doors. Once Lyra was finished she was taken to one of the girls dorms to sleep. 

—————- 

Back in London Marisa was boarding her zeppelin, once seated Marisa pulled out her favourite picture of her and Lyra. 

“Don’t worry Lyra, I’m coming. I just hope I’m not too late and get to you in time” 

The zeppelin stopped in Trollesund to refuel and collect more people. Marisa was getting impatient that she began to get angry with the staff. 

“We need to get this thing in the air, I have places to be you know” 

Not impressed the guards just smiled and nodded and walked away as they didn’t want to be around Marisa. 

About an our later the zeppelin was back in the air. Next stop Bolvanger. 

——————-

Lyra couldn’t sleep as some of the girls were crying in their sleep, so she’d just lay there and stare at the ceiling. 

“I can’t believe I’m about to say this Pan, but I actually miss her..... I miss my mother. But I don’t think she’d come this far to save me” 

“Don’t give up hope Lyra, I bet she knows where we are and is on her way to save us” 

“I won’t hold my breath Pan, but I hope she is” 

Next thing the large metal door opens and all the girls sit up in bed. A different sister comes in and walks up to the row of beds. 

“Cassie, can you come with me please” 

The girl and her cat dæmon got up and walked towards the sister. The other girls started to whisper and then look at Lyra. The door closes and the girls crowd around Lyra and Pan. 

“Not to scare you, but you see Cassie was one of the last girls to arrive and now she’s been taken away. We won’t see her again. I bet you’re next”

Lyra’s eyes grew wide and fear set in. 

“How many girls have been taken and not returned? I know what they are doing to these children. You have to believe and trust me” 

“We don’t trust no one. Us girls have been here the longest and we stick together. You new girl, you’re on your own” 

Lyra lays back down and hides under the covers. 

“We need to do something and quick Pan. I don’t know if what that girl said is true or not.. I don’t want to be next, I don’t want to lose you... have you cut away from me” 

Lyra didn’t sleep after that. 

Morning finally came and the buzzing sound of an alarm came through the halls. It was roll call. Lyra saw the other girls get their warm clothes on and she followed suit. Lyra followed all the girls to this little court yard to where all the children including the boys were. Sister Sophie and sister Clara were taking turns calling out children’s names. Then they called Lyra’s name out and all the children all turned around and just stared at her. Next thing two male hands touch Lyra’s shoulders, all the children turn back around. Lyra wasn’t game to turn around to see who this was but when he spoke, his voice sounded so familiar. 

“Follow me please Lyra” 

Lyra obeyed and followed him. 

“We have this new machine we want you to try out. It won’t hurt you or your dæmon at all” 

Lyra knew exactly what was going to happen and she started to run. She got near the girls dorm then she blacked out. One of the men got a hold off Pan and made them both pass out. While doctor Cooper help Pan the other picked up Lyra. On their way to the extraction room they noticed a zeppelin coming into the loading strip. 

“She’s not due to arrive now. Oh I hope it’s not one of those surprise visits where she wants to watch a child be cut from their dæmon. Oh well if that’s the case we have a child we can use to show her the new machine. You there, go get Mrs. Coulter and bring her to the new extraction room”

Brother Joe still had Lyra passed out in his arms and placed her in the metal box and doctor Cooper placed Pan in the other one. As soon as the doors were shut Lyra and Pan woke up and started screaming and banging on the little windows to let them out. 

“You have no idea who i really am. Mrs. Coulter wouldn’t want this” 

Doctor Cooper started up the machine and a bright red laser started to turn on. As buttons were being pressed the laser started to move. Slowly coming down between Pan and Lyra. 

“Pan, no..... never. I wish mother was here, she’d stopped this”

Then Lyra passes out. Next thing Marisa walks into the room and notices Lyra in the box. 

“Stop the examination. NOW. What have you done? That’s my daughter you have in there” 

Marisa runs down to the box and opens it and Lyra falls out. 

“Someone help me” 

Lyra wakes up in her mothers arms and the first thing she did was hug her. 

“You saved me. But.... where’s Pan?” 

“It’s ok darling, my dæmon has him. He’s ok. You need to rest dear” 

Lyra was so happy to see her mother again. Marisa pulls Lyra in to show her that she’s never leaving her again.


	9. 9

Marisa never left her daughters side since saving her from the separation machine. Lyra was too scared to be on her own, there were times that Lyra couldn’t leave Marisa’s private room without her mother holding her hand. 

“When can we go home?” 

“Soon darling, I’m just waiting for the zeppelin to arrive, then we’ll go home” 

Lyra was glued to her mother and Marisa didn’t mind it one bit but there were a couple of times where she’d believed Lyra was fine on her own. Word got out that there was a stranger heading towards the building while Lyra and Marisa were heading to the landing strip. Everyone was on edge except Marisa as she saw a snow leopard and knew exactly who it was. 

“Asriel” 

As soon as his name left her lips he appeared out of the shadows smiling till he saw his daughter around his ex lover. 

“What is she doing here? What are you doing here Lyra? I left you at Jordan where you were safe. What are you doing with her? She’s the reason this place is happening” 

Lyra just staring at Asriel. The last time she saw him he was her uncle and now he’s her father. 

“I......I......I....... was taken here by the Magisterium. Mrs. Coul.... mother saved me”

“Is this true Marisa?” 

“Yes Asriel. I was the one who took her from Jordan college, I looked after her. I took responsibility for my daughter. I flew all this way to save her from being cut. It’s my fault she’s here, I should off fought for her in the beginning but I didn’t”

Asriel was shocked as this wasn’t the Marisa he knew thirteen years ago when Lyra was born. Without any warning Asriel turns around and walks away just like that. 

Marisa and Lyra board the zeppelin and wait for take off. Lyra clung to her mother the whole time and didn’t ease till they were fully in the air and away from Bolvanger. 

“You look really tired Lyra. Lay down and rest and I’ll watch over you. I’ll protect you from now on” 

Lyra hasn’t slept in two days while they were stuck in Bolvanger. Finally feeling sorta safe she places her head on her mothers lap and goes to sleep. Lyra wasn’t asleep long, she woke up screaming and went searching for Pan who was asleep on the golden monkey. Lyra had this nightmare back at Bolvanger, but that nightmare was real. Lyra doesn’t feel the same after that night, she feels different like her soul was cut away but she still has Pan. 

Marisa picks up on Lyra’s anxiety and try’s to calm her down. 

“Don’t worry darling me and your father will seek revenge for what the Magisterium did to you. You have my word on that” 

Lyra was still scared to go to sleep so she just leaned against her mother and just stared out the window. 

A few days later they finally get back to London where Marisa thought everything would finally be normal again. Lyra wouldn’t sleep in her own bed, still didn’t like to be alone and would freak out when she heard noises around the flat. Worried about her only child, Marisa rang to have a doctor come to the flat to see if they can detect any trauma. 

The doctor made a special visit to see Lyra. He was the best children’s doctor in London. He examined Lyra and noticed she had a traumatic experience in the last week or so, with the way she was flinching around the doctor. 

“It looks like your daughter has PTSD from that accident you told me about. It will take some time for her to recover but it will never go away. Just be there to comfort her and make sure she takes these pills, they’ll help keep her anxiety down” 

“Thank you doctor. I’ll show you out” 

Lyra didn’t like feeling like this and hated that she had to rely on her mother for everything, but what happened at Bolvanger changed Lyra in so many ways. 

Marisa walks back into the lounge room to see Lyra sitting up on the couch. Lyra was looking down at Pan who was in the form of a cat. 

“What do you feel like doing today my love? We can’t sit in here all day, we gotta get out, get you out of this slump you got yourself in” 

Lyra just looks up at her mother and back down to Pan. 

“Well when you’re ready and want to do something, you come let me know. I’ll be in my study” 

As Marisa was walking away to walk to her study she felt something grab her hand. When she turned back she saw it was Lyra. 

“It’s ok to be on your own Lyra, I’m not leaving the flat. Go read a book or do a puzzle” 

Lyra knew she was being unusually clingy but she couldn’t work out why. Before Bolvanger she would off given her right arm to be rid of her mother, but now it’s like Marisa is her life support and she can’t understand why. 

“Mother” 

“Yes Lyra” 

“Why does it feel like Pan has been cut away from me, yet I know he’s still here. It feels like I’m missing something but I know I’m not” 

“I don’t know Lyra, but I’ll make sure the people at the station will be held acountable for their actions when they put you in that machine” 

Lyra let go off her mothers hand and sat back down on the couch and laid down. Marisa took the opportunity to go to her study and write a letter to the Magisterium demanding something be done. 

A knock on the study door startled Marisa as she thought it would be Lyra. When the door opened it was a servant with a letter. She didn’t say who it was from but just left it on the table. 

Marisa opens the letter to find its from Asriel. 

Marisa, 

The Gyptians have informed me that you and Lyra made it back to London safe. I’m pleased to inform you that that place in Bolvanger has been burnt to the ground and I’ve made a point to hold the Magisterium accountable for their actions. The witches are on our side and will help when needed. 

Asriel

Knowing this has happened, Marisa could breath easier knowing the station was destroyed. Yes all her hard work down the drain, but in a way she’s relieved as deep down it was something she didn’t want to get into. She only did it to try and get Lyra due to the master not allowing Marisa to visit Jordan. Now Marisa just has to deal with things on her end and hopefully bring the Magisterium down. 

“I need to tell Lyra the good news. I hope this takes a bit of weight off her chest” 

Marisa practically runs out off her study to get to Lyra in the lounge room but when she turned to walk in, Lyra wasn’t there. 

“Lyra?” 

“Lyra?” 

“Where are you Lyra?” 

The golden monkey noticed Pan just laying on a pillow on the long couch. Marisa searches the whole room, no sign of Lyra. Starting to panic Marisa starts searching the whole flat. 

“No, Lyra not again. Please no” 

The last room Marisa checked was her room and there Lyra was sound asleep hugging the same picture she took on her trip to Bolvanger to save Lyra. 

“Lyra, you can seperate from your dæmon. But how?”


	10. Lyra’s back story

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is Lyra’s back storey. From what she can remember from when she was a young child living at Jordan college, to now living in the flat with her mother Mrs. Coulter.

I don’t remember much of my childhood, but what I do remember I hold close to my heart. When I was three or four my “uncle” would come and visit me when I was at Jordan college. I remember we would run around and play games on the big field, but one day I said the word daddy and then it all stopped, the games the constant visits STOPPED. 

I would constantly ask the Master when my father was coming back as I missed him, he would always say “he’ll come back when he’s ready” I eventually stopped asking and got on with my life at Jordan. I made friends with a boy named Roger, he worked in the kitchens and we did lots of things together, we’d run on the roofs of the college, run around the halls and he would sneak me food whenever I got hungry. We were good friends till he died, he was doing something in the kitchen and there was an explosion, the head chef wasn’t quick enough to save him. We had a little tiff before it happened and now that haunts me, I never got to say goodbye to my best friend. 

Deep down I longed for parents to come and rescue me from Jordan, I didn’t care if they were rich or poor, I just wanted to belong to someone. Who I thought was my father returned And he said he was my uncle Asriel and then went on to tell me my parents died in a airship accident. I died on the inside that day, my dreams off my parents coming to get me are now long gone. 

My uncle reminded me so much of my father, I so badly wanted to get close to him, but every time I got close he’d go back north and not see him for another year or two. I felt so alone, no family and no Roger, just a bunch of old men who don’t try hard enough to teach me. I started to rebel and not attend my classes and hide from Mrs Lonsdale who wasn’t gentle or kind to me when it came to getting me ready for meals or just in general. 

I tried running away and go live with the Gyptians, their lives looked so much more exciting than my boring old life. Every time I tried to climb the gate, the watchman would catch me and march me to the Master. After about the tenth time I gave up. 

One day I was being taught something boring from the librarian and Pan saw my uncle and Stelmaria walking through the halls off Jordan. I make an excuse to leave the room so I could catch up to Asriel. Each and every time my excuses worked. When I eventually found Asriel’s quarters, I’d ask him about his trip and all he’d do is give me something he got from his expedition like a walrus tusk or an animal tooth and tell me to go to bed or go off and do something else as he was a busy man. They may have been short but I cherished them. 

I’d get the odd postcard from Asriel and I’d add them to my wall with everything else he’d sent or given me. I’ve asked him to take me north on his next expedition and he’d always says he doesn’t have time for me. Now I know why he never took me north as it wasn’t safe for children, I just wish I knew that back then. 

My life changed the night I met my mother. When the female scholars came I knew what the outcome would be, I’d leave the home I knew my whole life and start a new one at Saint Sophia’s college to continue my schooling there. That wasn’t the case with Mrs. Coulter, she offered me a job to be her assistant, I was overjoyed with that news as she mentioned she was a explorer like my uncle and goes to the north. I didn’t think the Master would let me go to be in the care of Mrs. Coulter but he did. 

The day came when I would move my life from Jordan college to London. Mrs. Coulter was my friend, teacher and guardian, but I looked at her as a mother figure. I remember all I ever wanted to say to her was I wish you were my mum. That feeling didn’t last long, one day I disobeyed Mrs. Coulter and her golden monkey attacked Pan, I never looked at her the same way after that. I became distant and a little disobedient and she didn’t like that. She tried to mould me to be like her and at first I was happy and went along with it, when I saw what she really was I needed to escape. During the cocktail party I saw my opportunity after my fears were confirmed from that reporter lady that Mrs. Coulter was part of the Oblation board. 

I was halfway down a flight of stairs when I heard a monkey screech and my name being screamed out. I knew who it was and I wasn’t going back now. I ran as fast as I could as I didn’t want Mrs. Coulter to find me. I found a safe spot for me and Pan for the night, my plan was to go back to Jordan and expose Mrs. Coulter and the Magisterium for what they are doing with children. Something caught Pan’s attention and he wondered off and then I blacked out and found myself in a van, I knew what I had gotten myself into and I was hoping Mrs. Coulter would find me....... and she did. 

We returned back to the flat and I tried so hard to escape again, then she told me she was my mother and that whatever happened she didn’t mean. That was a major shock to me, like I knew and wished Mrs. Coulter was my mother but finding out she actually is I truly take it back. We slowly start to get along till I’m kidnapped my the Magisterium and taken to Bolvanger. 

Bolvanger is the most saddest place a child could be, every time doctor Cooper walked through the doors you were on edge not knowing if your name was going to be called. My third day being there my name was called and I was put into that dreaded machine. If it wasn’t for my mother I probably wouldn’t be here and not have Pan right now. That’s now twice she has saved me now. 

Ever since that night at Bolvanger when the machine was slowly cutting Pan away from me, it was the weirdest feeling. It felt like someone was pulling string through my body. I don’t know how Pan is still with me, but there are some days where I wish he was gone as this feeling I constantly have is awful. It feels like I’m missing someone or something and you just can’t put your finger on it. 

I know trauma takes time to heal and I’m willing to take my time with it, but is my mother ready to deal with such a big responsibility with taking care of me and help me pass my living nightmares.


	11. 11

Marisa was pacing around her bedroom wondering how her visit to the Magisterium will go. It was a beautiful sunny day in London and Marisa wasn’t going to let that get to her. She hadn’t told Lyra that she had to go to the Magisterium building to see out her possible punishment for what happened at the station. 

Marisa walks out of her room to an empty lounge room. Looking at the time it was half past seven and Lyra is usually awake at that time. 

“Maybe she’s in the kitchen, I haven’t woken her up for breakfast yet” 

As Marisa was walking to the kitchen she noticed Lyra’s door was opened, she peaked inside to see no Lyra. Out of the corner of her eye she saw movement out on the terrace, she had a feeling it could be Lyra. Quietly stepping towards the door, Marisa noticed Lyra pacing back and forth talking to Pan. Not wanting to disturb her but wanting to know what’s on her daughters mind, Marisa opens the door to check on Lyra. 

“Are you ok Lyra?” 

Lyra got startled by her mother. She quickly turns around and faces Marisa.

“I’m fine...... I guess. Just worried...... about you know the Magisterium” 

Marisa’s heart sunk, she thought the day she got her daughter back, she’d never have to go through this, seeing her daughter broken and she knows it’s her fault. One thought that kept crossing her mind was if she never went to Jordan college Lyra would still be safe and not damaged by Marisa’s job. 

“It’s ok darling, I’m here if you need to talk to someone else. I want to be there for you Lyra, but I can’t if you keep pushing me away” 

Lyra lets out a big sigh, she realises she can talk to her mother, but she just doesn’t want to open up just yet. Lyra knows she’s broken, but that isn’t going to stop her from getting on with her life. Lyra is almost fourteen, there are other things to worry about. 

“Thanks mother, but I think I’ll just go to my room and probably read or something” 

All Marisa wants to do is hug her child and tell her everything will get better, but as soon as Marisa moves an inch towards Lyra, Lyra moves an inch back. Lyra starts to walk past and Marisa sticks her hand out. 

“Lyra wait. I have to go out for a few hours. Will you be all right on your own? The staff know and will be here for you if you need anything. Ok?” 

The anxiety started coming up in Lyra. Her mother has never left her alone since returning to London. A panic look comes across Lyra’s face. Lyra likes to admit she’s fine and doesn’t need her mother, but she never wanted to be alone without her. 

“Where.... where are you going and for how long for? Can’t I come with you?” 

“No you can’t come with me this time, but I’ll be home sooner than you think”

Marisa couldn’t bare to tell Lyra the truth as she didn’t need Lyra to freak out even more. Marisa places a kiss on Lyra’s forehead and walks back inside towards the elevator. As soon as Marisa walked into the elevator, she saw Lyra running towards it screaming not to leave her. She thought leaving her daughter for the first time since coming home broke her heart, it’s now the image of her only child running toward the closing doors off the elevator screaming for her mother not to leave. 

—————-

Lyra sat at the elevator doors screaming and banging on them begging for her mother to return. The staff that were on grew concern for Lyra and tried to comfort her. 

“Lyra? Why don’t you come with me and you can help me prepare the food for dinner” 

Lyra screamed as one of the staff members walked closer to her. They knew to give her space and not force her to do anything that upsets her. There was one staff member Lyra was rather fond off, but she wasn’t in that day. 

“Pan, what am I going to do while she’s gone. Is this what mother felt like when Asriel took me away when I was born? I think I need to do something to help pass time” 

Lyra got herself up and wondered down the hall to her room. 

Lyra noticed a pile of books on her bed, some were physics books and the others were books on the north. Lyra didn’t care about the other books as it’s her dream to one day travel north and explore it like her parents did before she was born. 

A knock on the door startled Lyra.

“Mother?” 

It wasn’t Marisa but Olivia Lyra’s friend and favourite servant. 

“Is it ok to come in? I know it’s my day off, but I thought I’d come over to see how you were going. The other day you weren’t so good and I’ve been worried” 

Lyra was super excited and basically jumped into Olivias arms and started to cry. 

“I’m so happy you came. Mother had to go out and I didn’t want to be alone and it’s not the same when you aren’t here” 

Olivia pulls Lyra in for a hug. Lyra is basically the daughter she wished she had. Olivia adores Lyra and Lyra adores Olivia. 

“I grabbed some ice cream on my way over, you wanna have some and we can sit on the terrace and eat it. It’s such a beautiful day today, it’ll be a shame to waste it being stuck inside” 

Lyra just nodded and basically ran to the terrace. Olivia brings out the big tub of ice cream and two bowls. She puts a few scoops in her bowl and lots in Lyra’s. 

“I know your mother won’t agree on this, so it will be our little secret”

Lyra just nods and drugs right into her ice cream. 

—————

As Marisa was going down the elevator she could hear Lyra screaming out for her and it was making things worse. 

Marisa finally arrives at the Magisterium building. Looking up at the intimidating statues and guards, Marisa was fretting. 

Father William greets Marisa at the front entrance. 

“Took your time, Mrs. Coulter. The cardinal has been waiting for you” 

Marisa just rolls her eyes and keeps on walking with father William. 

“So.... will this take long? I have places to be and things to do” 

William just stares at Marisa. She could tell he didn’t want to be there as much as she did. 

“In here. The cardinal won’t be long” 

Twenty minutes past and the golden monkey was starting to get nervous and started to cling to his human. Marisa wasn’t impressed as she was trying to hide how nervous she was and her dæmon was making it so obvious. 

The door opens and the cardinal walks in with his head held high and not far behind him was father MacPhail. Seeing these two in the same room meant bad news. 

“Ah thank you for coming in Marisa. Now the news of the building in Bolvanger being burnt down has now alerted people and thanks to Asriel, we have to change tactics. Because of your careless act, we now have to build a new station somewhere else where hopefully no one will find it. It is up to you to find this new place and you are set to leave Immediately. You will report any findings to father MacPhail. Is that clear?” 

This was not what Marisa was expecting. She was expecting to be told to leave the church, but this, she can’t leave Lyra let alone tell her. 

“I’m sorry cardinal but I can’t do this. This has made a huge impact on my life and my child’s life. I nearly lost her because off father MacPhail practically barging into my home and kidnapping my daughter. The answer is no, I won’t do this, not again. I’ll do anything else but not this” 

“The cardinal has given you orders Marisa. You must obey them or you’ll be shunned from society like when you had your daughter the sinful way” 

Marisa was stuck in a hard place. She didn’t want to go back and cut children’s dæmons away, but she also wanted to know more about dust. She doesn’t want to lose Lyra as she knows she will if she finds out about all this. 

“What am I going to tell Lyra? Bad enough she can’t bare to see me leave her. I’ll probably lose her forever if she finds out” 

Marisa walks out off the room and heads back to her car to take her home. This is going to be harder for Marisa as she wanted to stop the lies and start telling the truth when it came to Lyra and their mother daughter relationship.


	12. 12

On the way back to the flat, Marisa stopped into a few shops to pick up something for Lyra to help soften the blow with the news she was about to tell her daughter. In the first shop nothing jumped out at her, the second the same. Then she came along to one with like traveling gear, Marisa knows her daughter wants to be an explorer like her parents so maybe she should buy her something and she can do some exploring around the city of London. 

Pleased with what she found, Marisa continued back to the flat. Once the elevator doors opens, Marisa walks out and could hear Lyra and another female voice. 

“Lyra?” 

Lyra came in to show her mother she was still in the flat. 

“Lyra come here please” 

Marisa used that tone that if you don’t listen something bad will happen. Lyra slowly walked to her mother. 

“Follow me to my study please” 

Both walked quietly down to Marisa’s study. Lyra kept thinking to herself what have I done wrong, am I going to get into trouble for talking to Olivia.

“Take a seat Lyra” 

Marisa walks around to the other side of her desk and sits on her chair. Marisa opens the top right hand draw to pick up an object. 

“You aren’t in trouble dear, we just need to have a little chat. You see when the Magisterium took you, I went to your room to try and bring myself together, as watching you being taken away from me again killed me. I laid on your bed and felt something hard under your pillow. When I lifted the pillow I found this” 

Staring at the Alethiometer, Lyra looks up to her mother and starts to cry. 

“You had this all this time? I thought I lost it when those men took me. Can I ask why those Magisterium men took me?”

Marisa took a big breath in, all these emotions started to take over and she looked down at her feet. 

“They took you...... to punish me, for being sinful.... when I was married to my husband”

Marisa quickly snapped back into reality.

“Now, the other reason I wanted to talk to you is, I have to go away for awhile and your father will be taking you. Lyra I’ll be sending you to Jordan college and your father will come and collect you. I don’t know when, but he’ll be watching you while I’m gone. But before you go I bought you something, I thought you could use it while you are staying with your dad, he can help you use them and show you a few tricks. I got you this note book where you could write down all the things you find while exploring, a pair of binoculars and a book on different things you can find around the city. Your dad can help you, he knows a lot about the creatures and life around London and Oxford”

Lyra didn’t like that idea of leaving her mother but liked the idea of spending some time with her father as that’s all she craved growing up. 

Lyra was at Jordan for three days before Asriel finally showed up. 

“Lyra, before we head back to my place, I want to show you some things”

Asriel grabs his daughter by the hand. He still wasn’t one hundred percent there with calling Lyra his daughter, but he did care for her but his work was just more important to him than anything else. 

They both walked a bit then got into a car. The car ride went on for about an hour till they arrived at their destination. 

“Where are we Asriel?”

“This Lyra, is sort of where your story started” 

Lyra looked at her father strangely. 

“I thought my story started when I was born and you took me away when mother told you to”

“Well yes that’s true but I’m meaning when you were taken from me. You see that place there was a nunnery you stayed at till the great flood happened, and that pub over there, the owners son saved you from the wrecks of the nunnery and traveled for many days to find me so he could give you to me” 

Amazed as she didn’t know that part of her life, Asriel takes Lyra’s hand and walk towards the Trout. 

“We will have a quick lunch here then we will have to go back to my place” 

Lyra just nodded, she didn’t care what they did or where they went, she just wanted to be with her dad. 

After their lovely lunch of fish and chips, Asriel wanted to show Lyra more. They pass this massive mansion and Lyra was in awe of how grand it looked.

“Who lives here Asriel?” 

“This use to be mine. If it wasn’t for Edward Coulter I’d still be living in it and so would you. I lost it after you were taken from me” 

Lyra got thinking in what her life would be like if she wasn’t taken away from her father in the first place and not raised in Jordan college. 

“Even though I didn’t have a great up bringing, like you pretending to be my uncle and only seeing me whenever you needed money from the college and finding out that my mother is the head of the Oblation bored. I truly wouldn’t change it, like I’d still like to imagine what my life would be like if you and mother raised me, but all this happened for a reason and I’m thankful for that” 

Asriel looks down at his child and just smiles. He sometimes wonders what his life would be like if Lyra and Marisa stayed and Lyra wasn’t taken away. But then he realises he has spent most off Lyra’s life being in the north doing experiments and he wouldn’t bring her there. He doesn’t regret his choice putting Lyra in the Masters care. 

“So where to next? I haven’t seen much of Oxford nor London as mother never let me out on my own. I wish to see as much as possible” 

“Not today Lyra, I need to pack for my next trip to the north” 

Lyra got all excited she thought she was going north too. 

“Don’t get your hopes up Lyra, Ma Costa will be watching you while I’m gone” 

So mad at her father, Lyra was told she’s be staying with her dad and not just spend a day with him and then be told he’s leaving the following day. 

“Mother said you’d be watching me. Why be with me for one whole day and then decide your done being a father. Call yourself a father, the Master was a better father figure to me than you” 

“That’s the whole point Lyra, I’ve never been a father and I don’t think I’ll ever be one” 

Cut from that comment Lyra ran to the room she was slept in at the tiny little shack Asriel rents when he returns from being north. 

“Don’t worry Lyra, I’m sure he didn’t mean it” 

“That’s the thing Pan, he did you could tell by the tone of his voice. What am I meant to do now? Mother is somewhere and now Asriel is going back. I think I’ll just go back to the flat if the servants are still there, otherwise I’ll have to see if the Master will allow me to stay at the college till mother gets back” 

A few hours later Asriel left on his airship and Lyra was left alone. This wasn’t a new feeling to poor Lyra as she’s felt this way most of her life.


	13. 13

Not knowing if it’s the perfect spot for the new station, Marisa thought she’d just go along with it as she’s rather be back in London with Lyra. 

“Geneva is the best spot for the new station. Well done Marisa. It’s a safe space and close to the Magisterium. I just hope there are no more interruptions this time” 

Marisa just bowed her head to the cardinal and walked back to her little house she was told to live in till the station is built. 

A month has passed and the station is almost finished. Marisa tried her hardest to stop construction serval times but they failed each and every time. Even made up lies in hopes she could return home and be with her daughter. 

Marisa would write letters to Lyra as it’s the only form of communication she’s aloud. She couldn’t write much as she couldn’t expose the whereabouts of her location or what she was actually doing. All Lyra knows is that her mother is doing something similar to her father. 

—————————-

Lyra has been living in the flat under the watchful eyes of Olivia and the other servants. Lyra liked Ma Costa, but she just wanted to stay in the comfort of her own home. Asriel never kept in touch like he said he would and Maggie would check in once a week to make sure Lyra is ok. 

After about a week Lyra still missed her mother, but now that it’s been over a month, that feeling no longer bothers her. 

“What shall we do today Lyra? It’s my day off and we can do whatever you like” 

Olivia didn’t have many days off, but when she did her and Lyra always did something together. 

“Can we go get ice cream and walk around the park and do a scavenger hunt?” 

Lyra gets so excited when she gets to hang out with Olivia, as she gets to do things she can’t do with her mother. 

Lyra got changed and got herself ready to go outside. When Marisa was home they hardly ever went outside, due to the Magisterium constantly watching them both Marisa wanted to keep her child safe and thought staying inside did the trick. 

“Don’t tell Olivia this Pan, but I sometimes wish Olivia was my mum and not mother. I do love her but she’s just suffocating sometimes”

“Well you are dependant one her too Lyra. Don’t forget after she left and Asriel left, you missed them dearly and wished they’d return. Your mother is just very protective towards you...... since Bolvanger” 

A big sigh left Lyra’s mouth as she knew Pan was right. Yes her mother can be suffocating at times but deep down she did love her. 

While Olivia was waiting for Lyra to get ready, she wrote down some things for Lyra to find like certain leaves, acorns, rocks and some birds. Olivia tried teaching Lyra as she knew her life would be on the line if Marisa found out her child didn’t get educated while she was gone. 

Lyra started to get more wild and carefree not being under her mothers rules. Marisa had slowly moulded Lyra into a mini Marisa, but deep down Lyra still had a wild child streak in her that she hid from her mother. 

It was coming up to two months since Lyra had seen her parents and she was slowly getting worried. She knew their work was dangerous being north, no letters had arrived from Marisa so Lyra started getting worried. 

“Don’t worry dear, I’m sure they are fine. Probably distracted with their work and will write you a long letter”

Olivia always knew how to cheer up Lyra, weather it be a simple smile or a trip to the park. Lyra was never sad for too long. 

———————-

Back in Geneva the new separation station was finally completed and ready to start separating children again. 

“Marisa your job is to make sure the children’s family know that the children are to have tests done and as soon as these tests are done they will be returned. We can’t let them catch on with what we are actually doing. We can’t have what happened last time happen again”

“What type of tests should I tell them that their children are having?” 

The cardinal just looks at Marisa and sighs. 

“Just lie Marisa. You are good at that” 

“You start tomorrow, make sure to get as many children as you possibly can” 

Marisa just looks down to her feet and walks away about to her little house to pack her belongings. 

The next day when Marisa woke up, she finally came to realise, as much as it’s hurting her to do this as it hurt watching her own child be in the chamber and watch the laser slowly seperate Lyra from Pan. Lyra needs to grow up in a world that isn’t full off sin and urges. The calling Marisa had when Lyra was born she lived up to it till that day and buried it deep down. Now she needs to bring it back up and rid the world off sin and lust. 

First stop is Lapland. Once Marisa landed she was then escorted to the Magisterium building there and was given a brief lecture about the town people. When the orders were given out, Marisa went out and explored the town. 

While walking around, Marisa came across a big yard full of children playing. Stopping in her tracks Marisa sees a girl who was a little younger than Lyra sitting with her dæmon who was in the form of a humming bird. The children noticed Marisa and her golden monkey dæmon and were amazed to see such a glamorous woman and dæmon. 

“Wow miss, you look very beautiful” 

All the children agreed when one boy spoke up. Marisa liked all the attention the children were giving her but then she started to miss Lyra. 

The one girl who caught Marisa’s attention came over and tugged at Marisa’s dress. 

“Hi miss. I’m Zara, don’t mind the other children, we just aren’t use to seeing strangers here. I hope you enjoy your stay”

Looking down at the young child, Marisa places her hand in the girls cheek and smiles. It broke Marisa’s heart seeing all these children knowing that over time these children will be losing their dæmons just to give her child and other children a sin free world


	14. Chapter 14

“Today’s the day...... today we start this project all over again. We’ve been here a week and you’ve done very well Marisa. Let’s hope it stays this way” 

Something catches Marisa’s attention. A young girl walks in, at first she takes no notice of the child till she saw the dæmon and realised it was her child.

“Lyra?” 

“Mother, what are you doing? You said you wouldn’t do this anymore. You saved me but you like to do it to other children. You are a horrible person, I don’t want anything to do with you” 

“I told you Marisa, you can’t mould Lyra, she’s too wild for you and you should just give up” 

“No, I can fix this. Don’t leave me Lyra. Asriel you are so wrong, I can mould her” 

Marisa wakes up panting and all sweaty. The golden monkey comes running to his human and puts his hand on her leg. 

“It was only a nightmare, get off me” 

Marisa flicks her dæmon off her. He flinches in pain and jumps off the bed. All he wanted to do was comfort his human. 

“We need to get back to London quick. I have a bad feeling about something” 

———————

“Pan, Ma Costa said Asriel is coming back. I hope he brings mother with him. Oh how I miss them both” 

Lyra walks over to her window and just stares out of it. She doesn’t dream or wish to runaway now, now that she’s been given some sort of freedom to walk around the flat and outside on the streets. It’s Olivia day off again but she’s visiting family so Lyra and Pan are left alone in the flat. 

It’s now past the time Olivia said she’s be back by and there’s still no sign of her and Lyra was feeling alone. Yes she had Pan but they have a love hate relationship right now. 

“DING” 

The elevator door opens and Olivia walks out. 

“This came for you Lyra”

“Oh. It’s a letter from mother. Thank you” 

Dearest Lyra.   
In a week I’ll be coming home for a few days then I’ll be off again. I hope your father is treating you well. 

Mother

“Treating me well? I thought my parents were working together. Asriel said they were. I don’t know what to believe anymore” 

Lyra got so mad as one of her parents is lying to her and she’s not sure which one it is. She scrunches up her letter and throws it into the fire. 

“When she returns, she better not lie to me and answer my questions” 

A few days pass and Olivia ducks out to the shops to grab some things for when Marisa returns home. The other servants were busy doing what they needed to do and Lyra was trying to figure out what to do. 

“The key is in the lift we should go for a walk. We can be back before anyone notices” 

Lyra runs up to the lift doors and presses the button to summon the lift..... nothing happens. 

“Maybe you need to key in the code for it to work” 

“But I don’t know the code Pan. Maybe it’s in mother’s office. But that door is locked too” 

“Go through the crawl space like you did last time”

Lyra runs to the grate and climbs through to the crawl space. Nothing scared Lyra but tiny spaces did. Once she reached the grate to her mothers office, she quickly climbed out. When she hit the floor she heard footsteps and her name being called out. Lyra quickly looks at Pan and is ready to climb back up to the crawl space to hide. The footsteps and voice disappear. 

“Few that was close. Now start looking, I’m sure she would have the elevator code written down down somewhere Pan” 

Going through draws in the desk, cupboards, basically anything and everything that had storage. While going through the desk, Lyra came across different blueprints. 

“Why would she have these Pan? The station was destroyed. Wait... you wouldn’t think she’s helping them again after saying she wouldn’t cut children’s dæmons away. Why would she lie to me” 

The footsteps and a different female voice was getting closer to the door. 

“Quick Lyra, it’s her” 

Lyra quickly put everything back and and made the room look tidy. She quickly climbed up to the crawl space and shut the grate behind her. As she was slowly making her way down the space something made her stop and listen to what was being said. 

“Will you let me know when Lyra shows up, I need to see her” 

Lyra made it to the end and got out when no one was watching. She rushed to her room and changed her clothes as the ones she was wearing were dusty and she didn’t want to get into trouble. 

A knock at the door startled Lyra. Lyra quickly hid the dirty clothes and went to open the door. Expecting it to be Olivia, it was actually Marisa and the golden monkey. 

“Lyra, where have you been? I’ve been looking for you. We need to have a chat” 

“Oh.... uh...... I was in the bathroom. I thought I would make myself look nice for when you got home. I just didn’t know you’d be home this early” 

Marisa looks at Lyra as she knows she lying and raised an eyebrow. 

“Hmmm. Meet me in my study in exactly five minutes please”

Marisa shuts Lyra’s bedroom door and walks down to her study. Lyra falls into her bed and starts to panic. 

“She knows I lied to her, she knows I’ve been in her office. I’m going to get into so much trouble, she’s going to send her dæmon onto you Pan to teach me a lesson. What should we do?” 

“If she tries to hurt us Lyra, just run. Olivia is still here, maybe she’ll help if anything bad happens” 

Lyra nods at Pan and they both sit on her bed. About twenty minutes pass and Lyra realises she was meant to meet her mother in her study fifteen minutes ago. Lyra gets up and starts walking out her room and down the hall. Lyra noticed the servants are preparing dinner but no Olivia to be seen. Almost down the hall and Lyra hears her name being called out, Marisa was now in her room getting ready for dinner and not in her study. 

“Lyra come here please”

Lyra walks in slowly with her head down and doesn’t look at her mother. Lyra sits on her mother’s bed while Marisa sat at her vanity. 

“Now Lyra, there must be a good explanation as to why you didn’t obey me when I said to meet me in my study. You know what happens when you disobey me” 

“I’m sorry I got carried away with thinking about something I read today” 

“Well whatever it was, it better be worth it as you know I don’t like to be kept waiting. On another note, where is your father? He was meant to be watching you”

Lyra looks at Pan who then transforms into a moth then flys to Lyra’s pocket in her dress. 

“He uh left two days after you left”

Marisa looks at her child through the mirror and see her flinch like she was going to get hit. Her face went all red with anger and she got up so quickly Marisa had a small head spin. 

“He what? He had to watch you for a month and he just leaves like that? You wait till I get my hands on him. Where did he go?” 

“He went back north, he said to go to Jordan college and the master would watch me but I said I didn’t want to, he said then he’ll have Ma Costa watch me, but in the end Olivia watched me”

“Who’s Olivia Lyra?”

“She’s one of the servants” 

Marisa puts her hand on her temple and lets out a big sigh. 

“Your saying one of the help watched you while I was gone. I would of preferred the bloody Gyptian to watch you” 

“Please don’t be mad, I’m still here ain’t I? And Olivia made sure I did my studies and other things” 

“That’s enough Lyra, I don’t want to hear anymore. Now go get ready for dinner” 

Marisa turns back around to look at herself in the mirror to finish off her makeup. Lyra got up and slowly walked back to her room. She could hear a commotion in the kitchen between Olivia and the head servant. 

“That doesn’t sound good Pan” 

Lyra heads to her room and slams the door. A few moments later Lyra heard a light knock on the door, it was Olivia to come and say goodbye as she was fired. 

“Oh please take me with you” 

“You know I can’t Lyra, you know you’ll always have a friend in me. Goodbye Lyra” 

Lyra watched her only friend walk to the elevator. Then the dinner bell rang. 

“We better go Lyra, we don’t want to keep your mother waiting again. Lyra walks to the dining room for it to be just empty. She waited till her mother arrived. Before Marisa could take her seat at the table Lyra bombarded her mother with questions. 

“Why did you let Olivia go? She did nothing wrong” 

“Let it go Lyra, you know your better than the servants, we don’t become friends with them” 

“Why are you building another station? I thought you weren’t working for the Magisterium anymore, you said you weren’t going to cut children’s dæmons away. Your the monster here” 

Lyra bangs her fists on the table and stands up. 

“I can’t live in a house that’s constantly run on lies. I’m leaving” 

Lyra walks away from the table and walks towards the elevator that happened to be unlocked from when it was last used by Olivia. 

“Don’t you dare leave this flat Lyra Belacqua”

Lyra walks into the elevator and watches her mother run towards her as the doors close. Lyra has no idea where she’ll go and doesn’t care if her mother sends goons to catch her, but she felt free.


End file.
